I hate Dora the Explorer.

My daughters seem to like her and there are a few redeeming qualities.  I like the exposure to Spanish.  I like that she’s adventurous.  I like that she’s nice to her friends and works well in a team.

But…

That show and books aren’t very realistic.  First of all, the last time a map told me where to go, it was my nav system, not some rolled up piece of paper.  Its almost 2011.  Get with it.  Magical stuff is fine but only if you truly commit.  Yo Gabba Gabba doesn’t pretend to be based in any realism.  Its all a drug-induced psychedelic trip.  If Dora wants to carry around a backpack that talks to her and can transform into parachutes or sailboats, fine, but don’t tell me you have access to all these magical implements and then need a lousy map to help you get through Alphabet Town.

And another thing…that sneaky fox, Swiper has to get a life.  I think its time to pack up and target someone else.  He doesn’t seem to realize that she has magical tools and apparently some sort of Jedi ability, not to mention an uncanny radar-sense; either that or she’s incredibly paranoid.  She always seems to detect him right before he swipes something.  At that point, amazingly, all she has to do is tell him “no swiping.”  Can you truly be considered sneaky if you never actually succeed in sneaking up on someone?

But its a great lesson.  While being mugged, I’ve tried numerous times to stop it by saying, “Mugger!  No mugging!”  It literally never works.

I think I know what might though:  Saying “please.”  Next time I’ll try that.  My daughter won’t though because Dora never does, and frankly, why should she?  That spineless fox just runs off as soon as she gives him the “talk to the hand” motion.

Just once Swiper, I’d like you to say, “No Dora, I will swipe your Snow Fairy friend unless you use the magic word.”

Please.